Explanation’s of Guilt

“I MUST RESET…” – Demo (August 27, 2019)

Some may say I am slacking upon the content, and you’re right. But consider this… What’s the point of continuing on if no money is coming in? So many other’s would say, “Get over it and work!” and that’s what I intend to do, starting with a bit of explanation of my guilty conscience, then leading into what is going to change in this mindset of mine. My whole business practice must change in order for me to keep going. So, therefore, we begin the explanations.

  1. “Beggars can’t be choosers, so if you’re choosy, don’t beg!” – You may or may not notice that my Patreon is down and that I refuse to beg anyone anymore for money. No one likes Patreon anyway since the whole debacle of disallowing popular creators simply due to political views. No one trusts Patreon… but you know what? No one trusts anyone these days. So there is no way to even want to care about getting any sort of money for my hardened work. So this is a willful change, and this may seem stupid if I want money so bad, but no one loves to hear me grovel about my money problems.
  2. “Personal feelings disconnect people from you!” – When I grovel about something I hate, no one likes it. But what about the other way around, talking about something I enjoy? The same thing happens. When you align yourself with more and more objects or thoughts of mindsets, you limit your reach to your viewer’s hearts. That sounds wrong, doesn’t it? Why would you not speak things that get other’s attention? It’s because people these days feel insecure if you don’t agree with them on anything- and even then, people don’t like it when you aren’t standing up for what you believe, and constantly lie about feeling apologetic. Do you believe anyone in the news industry was sorry for their comments? God no! They did it to protect their jobs, and likewise with that massive amount of money they got afterward, they probably thoroughly enjoyed it. I know I would have. So here’s what I am going to change about my content from now on: No more personal problems will be revealed to the public unless it’s supremely massive that it hinders my ability to do anything anymore- like I am right now, and no more political viewpoints, only jokes, and if you get angry at any of this, consider this main notion: If you are angry, hurt, or sad, it is your responsibility to come to terms with what has happened. To want redemption is to seek destruction. And that’s my final viewpoint I’ll ever say on this matter. So a lot less of me and a lot more of content.
  3. “Hate and spam comments are the banes of the internet!” – When anyone posts spam, hateful comments, or anything dealing with anger without thinking of the proper consequence of your words, you’ll just be deleted from both my website and YouTube channel. I’ve already blocked a few misandrists, severely harsh critics with only slander in their tongue, and also a TON of spam accounts where they just blindly place words on either posts or videos to get some type of feedback loop. Let me tell you something though- you shouldn’t be afraid to comment something, because I am a very lenient person, but with the guidelines of all of the content, there is no room for derogatory slander that may not even be true. And even so, even if it was true, do you honestly think I care what someone who hates me thinks? Sure, I’ve made mistakes in my past, even to this day! Sure, I’ve lied in front of my friend’s faces because it’s a knee jerk reaction to how I was raised, and I’ll always be remorseful for everything I’ve done. But here’s what I was always told, those that truly care about you will forgive you, but if they seek you to redeem yourself by never doing it again, they’ll get even angrier the next time you do it out of sheer not thinking straight, and that’s where we define a narcissist. If you truly wanted other’s to change, you would be fed up after only a few simple problems that I’ve been through, and even then, if you don’t forgive me, then you’re just a number to me and nothing else. Your hate will always beat down the walls I’ve built, I will always feel anger, and I will always feel disgusted in myself because I believe people when they see something wrong in me. But, that’s their opinions, and even so, what wrong are they hiding? Just remember that bullying isn’t justified, ever, but neither is fighting back- you must accept that we’re all horrible people sometimes, but we are also good sometimes too, it’s just all how you react that matters! And this is my final warning I’ll ever give on this matter.
  4. “Top 10’s will forever be changed for the music, not the story!” – I will no longer review the story of the song in questions, I will only review how the song is written as thus it was always supposed to be. I will review style, not story forevermore. And dealing with a ton of things I’ve gotten wrong, either due to trying to dumb down a very intense story or the fact that I simply don’t know anything, I want to redeem myself in my own way. I will be better at making everyone happy with my content, instead of flailing around wildly trying to get something together to suit the ever dissipating attention span of humanity.
  5. “Every 15 seconds must keep the viewer’s attention!” – For every 15 seconds, someone loses their attention on the road and crashes. This isn’t a statistic, it’s a fact that if you focus on something uninteresting for about a unique span of time without being even mildly excited for something, you lose care. That’s why cars have radios, to keep yourself entertained to even want to drive. But I am a unique person, I don’t have autism, but I have a very bad focusing problem… the difference is, I focus on things so uninteresting to me because I… well, I don’t know the reason exactly, like I’d just stare at a wall and figure out why the color or texture of the wall is the way it is, how it was made, why the heck is still standing when all of the other walls have been torn down (not literally, but you get the point!). It’s not like I enjoy staring at a wall when I could be playing a game, doing chores, or editing a video. I just have a focus problem where I focus way too much on mundane things, and God help you if I get interested in something… You’ll probably forget that I can’t understand a word you’re saying if you see me editing a video or playing a game. It’s just a constant array of focus that I have no idea what it’s like not to focus on anything at all. If I’m meditating, I’m focusing on my breathing and my mind. It feels as if I lose focus of all things around me, then the control of life evaporates. That little control is what I seek, and that’s the reason I’m changing things around because control is what I fear losing.
  6. “Schedules… Schedules… Schedules…” – There will no longer be a regular schedule other than say… Tuesdays or Saturdays. 2 times a week, 8 times a month. I work hard, and I need time for myself to relearn how to feel happy again instead of looking at all I’ve done and reaping very little for what I’ve done. Even though I do believe the people I’ve come to know give me my life’s dream already- I do know that money is paramount.
  7. “The Jeopardizing of Credits!” – It’s already confirmed that YouTube doesn’t like it when you have links to things outside of YouTube. However, Google loves it when you do it on the websites. YouTube will personally undermine the ability for the video to grow- so here’s how this will work out from now on. Remember that Game Theory controversy where they didn’t link to the game they were showcasing? Yeah, there’s a reason they did that! Are you going to prove to me that you can’t just simply Google a game or video or song to find it? I mean, outside of hard to find ones, I doubt anyone with common sense truly cares. I do that for all games I play, but I have noticed something on both of my YouTube channels- I removed all outside links of YouTube, and only kept links to stay within YouTube. Each newest video has about %110 view count thus far. And that’s where credits will be limited in this form or fashion. No one will like this one, so I will state it this way: Any songs found offsite will only have a way to find the song. Any pictures found offsite will only have a description on how to find said pictures. Any videos already on YouTube will be placed, however, and this will not affect the credits of names and such. This only affects the linking to other websites. And likewise, you can get angry at me for doing this, but I am not obliged by anyone to do this, even at the owner’s request. It may be your content, but if it’s fair use, I’m willing to fight for it- and if there are any ways to tell me you want something taken out of my video, the best course of action is to email me at Vocaloidemo@gmail.com. It’s not that hard, and if you take down the video or copyright claim it, then I’ll have no choice but to reupload it, replaced with something else. And if you’re a producer, then likewise I’ll never mention your songs again because it’d just be far too risky nowadays.
  8. “Copyrighting my own videos and reviews!” – Someone recently told me I should copyright my videos along with my music. That’s not a bad idea, because if I copyright my videos, I could get ads on my videos. But this will only ever happen if YouTube outright denies me my given right to bear ads on my channel. And likewise, I can copyright videos with copyrights already on them considering fair use. Of course, it will have to be approved by a lawyer, and I won’t be able to do all the videos or posts, but I’m still willing to try!
  9. “Calm Down!” – I worry a lot, and that’s partly due to my life situation right now, which I will not discuss. Just know things are looking better than before, but I’m still tired from dealing with the darkest part of it all. I will try to calm down further, as many friends have told me that I worry beyond what is healthy, and constantly being stuck in this emo phase where I cry for no reason, just sit down and try to rest while everyone is yelling at me to get up and do something, just makes my guilt worse and worse, feeling I’m not doing enough even when I’m so tired that I can’t even care to talk to anyone anymore. If I hurt you by not talking to you, then I’m sorry, but you gotta realize we all have turmoils we go through, and mine is particularly devastating in this moment. Give me time, and I’ll be back on my feet… in a couple of months no doubt. Hopefully in time for my birthday…
  10. “Never Give Up!” – I’m never going to give up, I will change until I find a fitting growth, and I will never stop changing, and I will never allow myself to think I will redeem myself for anything wrong I do because I’ll only do it again. I will always do bad things out of fear, neglect, or sheer confusion and worry, we all will. But I’m working on forgiving myself, and you should too. Not just forgiving me, but forgiving others and yourself. For the more emotional you are, the truth of the world will crush you under its hefty weight. There is no such thing as “Your Truth”, but there is only “What Is True Is That I Have Feelings” Don’t confuse the two! Your truth is simply the fact that it’s true you feel those feelings, but your truth isn’t your feelings, because my truth is what is actually true, not what I feel. I feel guilty, but that doesn’t mean I am guilty. I feel angry, but that doesn’t mean I am angry… for anger is more deeply imbedded than just a few seconds of an outburst.

Throughout all of these, I will make videos more concise and constructive rather than just a plaything. I will try to edit and write better. But most importantly, you must realize that I will backslide. I always will, promises are important to me, so much so that I feel I deserve to be abandoned for breaking it. So that’s why I’m making no promises, and just going to say that all this is what I’m going to try to do instead of blatantly lying, knowing that I’ll never be able to do any of this in the first place. That ends what’s going to be on YouTube and my website- and the next part will be for my website alone.

Some things have changed, so I’ll go through it all for you guys.

  1. Your safety has been upgraded – I was notified that I had hundreds of spam accounts on my email because I kept getting notified for about 46 accounts being made a day without any page views to back it up… pretty sketchy, so I’ve deleted a ton of those weird-butt accounts with these extremely janky email addresses and names. So likewise, tons of spam comments have been deleted as well. No more spam, please? I’ve installed a defense system to counteract that, especially if you’re not even a human. And even if you are human, you cannot make more than 2 accounts per IP address, which means if you use a VPN, you will never have an account in the first place… welcome to the world of anti-VPN… even though I support VPN’s because they make searching the internet safer. Also, it’s highly advised that you NEVER use an account on a VPN, specifically because it would drastically make it seem like someone stole your account, and thus would put me as liable for lawsuits. Internet privacy is mandatory!
  2. PHP Updates – So my PHP codex was DRASTICALLY extinct. I have updated it to PHP7.3 in order to make everything on this website run much much faster, including the login process. So there’s that!
  3. Plugins went bye-bye for a while – So, my plugins got deactivated due to the PHP problem. So they are all active and protecting your accounts as well as keeping everything in check for weird activity.
  4. Improved Website design – I’ve taken off a ton of stuff that was no longer relevant. And now, I’ve even fixed the Google ads I’ve placed.
  5. SSL – An SSL is basically a way for browsers to say, “This website is safe” and will put your mind at ease… however, my SSL recently went out on August 24th, 2019. I have put in place for a new one, because without that one, YouTube would not accept my website as being able to link to at the end of my videos- plus, Google won’t send people to my website without it… so it’s kinda needed! It will be active in due time because I had to pay for it…
  6. More reviews – I will try to review more, nothing more, nothing less. Just try!

And with that, I think this will all come to fruition, but remember that I still love and enjoy all of your company. Welcome to a hopeful, newer era!

So what'cha think?