I knew as soon as I started that this whole thing would have a few valleys of nonexistence brought on upon my soul grasping at the air I have so forsaken to breathe. What can I say that has happened this year? Nothing has happened this year but turmoil after turmoil. Like a challenge.
Starting off, it was going pretty good- until I got a job that refused to pay me for hours of work, and then threatened to call the police because I didn’t bring back a simple hat that was their property. And this happened on my birthday of all times. I never would’ve thought that I would also change my antidepressants based on a sudden onset of jerks known as Benign Fasciculation Syndrome. But once I transferred from one antidepressant to another, my fear and an overarching sense of doom took me by the throat. I would then go on to enjoy a month of playing around with my Switch with new games that came out- only to get another job at a fast food place. They treated me like crap, and I only had 8 hours per week- don’t get me wrong, I enjoy those hours… but without proper treatment and constantly being yelled at and cursed at, in the span of 5 months, I quit after certain things happened.
My lovely Rose went homeless for a while… I am not at liberty to say why. But at the same time, my aunt went homeless as well due to a restraining order set on her by her husband. So my aunt got a job at my workplace, and with her husband constantly coming around, my safety felt at risk. And good too, because over 5 people had roofing nails in their back tires over the course of a week. And my father questions why I felt insecure? Right…
Speaking of the moaning man himself, my dad is going to have surgery on his back… but considering he hasn’t had surgery at the time of writing, and that he’s been off work for a complete 2 months already, he’s going to milk this just like my mom did at her previous job and wind up fired. And then that’ll be a section where no one will be happy. My mom, even now, is taking on 2 jobs just to support us while I find a new job. No takers currently.
Dealing with this online “career”, it’s costing more than I have. I was taken from the partner program on YouTube, but with recent changes to the algorithm, and after passing 1,000 subscribers, I only need 1,390 hours of watch time remaining until I get that sweet review of my channel. The thing is, will they approve of me? I doubt it, but I still have a lot of hope. Considering I’m going to be making a few changes to my website and my channel to better suit advertising and getting money.
You may also notice that there are no longer Patreon buttons anywhere, nor on my YouTube. That’s simply because it is useless to me now. No point in keeping it up if no one cares. And then most people beg me to stop begging for money… and they’re right. I should just look at this as a hobby and nothing else. Nothing else! The second I make a buck is a second I cry at how long it took to finally make a simple dollar from all of my hard work- and even then, profit will never be made. I spent almost thousands on programs to help edit both my videos and my music, and what has it come to? Just being lackluster, not putting enough effort even though it takes about 30 hours to even do one video. I’m not a failure at the effort, I am but a failure at luck. This YouTube and even Google game is a monster that keeps smacking me across the face, but I’m not giving up. You can’t make me give up! I’ll slash my heart out of my chest as it beats before I give up!
Some may ask why I keep going…
So you may also ask why I keep living…
I live and love for hope and faith. I refuse to give up. I missed my YouTube Channel’s 3rd birthday, I missed my website’s 4th birthday, I missed the deadline for releasing my album, now I have no money to publish it. Who can say I am a smart businessman? No one would admit it. I’ve done so much and reaped so little. One day, I will reap what I sow, and it will be grand, let’s just hope I don’t devolve into taking instead of receiving.
I’ve made friends this year, I’ve made enemies this year. Some family, some random people, some even used to be good friends until they showed their truest colors. But what can I say to them? I forgive you. For at this moment, I need to find a quiet place to forgive myself for all the wrong I’ve done in my life. Guilt overtakes me in these days. This Valley of Stay has taken me away from the bay of the flowing ocean’s sway. For new dawn, I hope God blesses us all with miracles that we can further pursue into life-changing goodness.
I just wanna say I love you all… Don’t you deny it!
Throughout the years, 3 years, in fact, I have been blessed with so many fans, friends, and so much support from so many people across the world. Today was a good day… to sleep! Not just sleep, but also have a live stream, which you can check out the video below. Anyway, I have completely shifted focus this year. I tried and ultimately failed, to upload daily in April 2018… but my computer cord went capooty halfway through the month. I was so close, too! And then I got sick after I got my cord. But everything turned out ok!
So, what I wanna say is, I have so many ideas, that it is almost to keep all in line. Perfect time to lay it all out in the cabinet I love so much. I’m just randomizing my speech!
I released a horrible album this year! This was before I knew what keys were, not to mention modes, emotion, and tempo’s. Music is the defining feature of my website and channel. Music creates my imagination, forming into words and emotions that cannot be spoken. I often wonder, the amount of power stored within my ever growing mind, to fully understand the harmonics of each individual key of symmetry of the tone. Let’s look back, at all of the things that happened this year…
Well, the starting of this past year, I started new things. I had interesting ideas about the future. The future would kick me! I went into 2 downtimes. August 31st, 2017 was Hatsune Miku 10th birthday. So much was happening in the Vocaloid community celebrating Hatsune Miku. I also did a lot of other things, including a bunch of videos and requests- I really should have done more!
I’ll make a better this year. If nothing explodes. But if they do, humor towards me, humor will be your friend. So, let’s make the best out of this or at least however much we have left, in 2018. I still can’t believe it’s been 3 years! I met wonderful people, including someone special, my SoniLoid! My Girlfriend! And I met more people, producers, and started to get more professional.
So many things went great, so many things went wrong. It was like riding a rollercoaster with Barbara Mandrell! I’ll leave out the bad things that happened because I don’t wanna go into it. But I will say, I just loved having friends. Now that most things leveled out for me, I can start doing things better!
I released Season’s Mist, and I thought it was kinda bad… but others thought that some songs were and almost confused me. Songs like You’re Warm, Serpent of My Heart, and the best one on the album to a lot of people, Imaginary Life, were great! And there are a lot of issues, but I intend to redo it with the upcoming Producer’s Edition releasing: I dunno
I also released Embrace (single) for my new album Embrace (album). I released the album art, which took me around 3 weeks to do. I want to release it later in 2018. It’s gonna be on a shirt on my merch store! Oh, and I opened a Merch Store at TeeSpring.com!
We went that Doki Doki Craze- what took others 2 hours to do, I took 15 hour long episodes. And then, I lost my computer cord… I had an entire schedule to upload daily. I was going so good, I gained 70 subs within that time… and then KABLOOSKI, it died!
So without going on to long, I have learned a lot. I value each and every person. And I love you all, even those that unsubbed because of whatever reason! I love you all, whether you like or not… I will love against your will. Not really… unless you want me too.
Let’s make this the best of the best!
Thank you so much for being here with me!
2 years ago, I thought I’d make a hobby- it turned into a job- and then lo and behold, I’m making my first Vocaloid album! I can’t thank anyone enough who’ve helped me along the way. With all of the majestic pretenses with a musical tone, I’ve been accepted by so many people and I wanna cry an ocean. Good thing this is in writing~
It’s been a rough ride this year, seeing as how I failed to review more albums than I wanted. More to the point I didn’t make as many Top 10 videos as I wanted either. This is a crap ton of work you know! But over the year, I’ve dealt with aches, pains, losses, and complete breakdowns due to the stress. It’s not all bad though because just making it one year made me so excited I peed my pants… I don’t do that often, and when I do, my bladder’s either full and can’t get to the bathroom on time or I’m just not paying attention… Speaking of which, I should empty the tank now (”o_o)
But besides my total disappointment in myself, I also lost my grandmother. For hardcore fans of mine, I know you’re there, you’d know that my father’s mother died not 6 months after starting this business. My mother’s mother died not too long ago… last Monday on July 10, 2017, to be precise. So it’s all still fresh in my mind. But no matter what ails me when I lay my head down and cuddle with my body pillow… which is just bland and white- I’ll know I have support wherever I need it from friends and family that have pushed me along. You guys complete me!
I’ve met so many wonderful people. I and Whisper-P got to know each other and started Voca-P… which is about to get revved up here pretty soon. My YouTube… well, it’s growing, nothing much I can say else. I also started so much work on my Vocaloid album, my Daily Life of a Goddess’ Secretary series, my recording studio which is also my room- I have a recliner in my room now ( ^3^)
Let’s get one thing straight here: I’m not good at keeping promises when it comes to working. But what I will put out from here on will be my very best I can make it. My love for this job will not falter! My love for you will not subside, and that is what makes me happy. So one eve of year 2, I’ll take a rest from my worries so I can fully jump back in the water because running on concrete provides faceplants to something that doesn’t move too good…
Here’s to a new year!
One year ago today, which is currently July 19, 2016- which would make the birth of the site at July 19, 2015- I started my journey to being the best Vocaloid review site… but after one year I’m still on baby steps. Sure I’ve done over 30 reviews and such, but within a year… I’m kinda disappointed! I could have done more if everything didn’t turn out the way it did in my life last year! My grandmother died on my birthday, I was failing college and had to pay thousands of dollars to stay in, and other stuff I would not like to mention how life took a giant milk carton and slammed it up against my face and anywhere else it hurt!
Now, onto the thank you’s!
I have talked to some awesome people in the Vocaloid community. I feel that I am starting to make a difference, but still baby steps! I can safely say that with all my email subscribers, subscribers on YouTube, followers on social media, and anyone who doesn’t follow me, but visits often, I can say how proud I am to be here doing what I do! And I will make a conscious effort to do better this year! I would like to thank each and every one of you individually, but that would take a while… so Imma just gonna bunch everyone in a box together and say, “I’m so happy we have come to meet! I promise I will try to make your experience, even more, better than the last year!” And for those finding out about this after the fact… I’m sure you’ll like it here!
I must give one hell of a thank you to Wealthy Affiliate for showing me how to create this website and everything else! They have an awesome and tightknit community willing to come to your aid when you need it! Hey, they have emails sent out when someone asks a question or posts a blog! I have to say, Wealthy Affiliate changed my life for the better! It’s just that life outside the interverse was near destructive on my health! Anyway, this is thank you to all of those who helped me on Wealthy Affiliate, especially to Marcus from www.workfromhomewatchdog.com where I first heard about it, and thanks to Carson and Kyle (the creators of Wealthy Affiliate) for coming to welcome me personally- you don’t get that anywhere else!
Well… I have said my peace, and it has been a fun year! And it will be even funner this coming year! I think you’ll come back!
Sawbat, you’re too big!